The Bronxville Trilogy

Full-length play

A Series of 3 Full-Length Plays by

William Ivor Fowkes

Part One: Roommates
Part Two: Marriage
Part Three: Aftermath

Three married men pay the price for leading double lives in a time of social change.

THE BRONXVILLE TRILOGY presents stories of three married couples whose husbands are closeted gay men. The setting is Bronxville, an affluent suburb in New York's Westchester County. The time is primarily 1971 to 2000, a time of sweeping changes for gay people.

In Part One (ROOMMATES), Graham

Walker and Dan Carlsen--two best

friends and lovers since college--struggle

with their desire to be together in a world

where marriage to women is the

unquestioned norm, and the AIDS

epidemic makes living out of the closet

a frightening option.

In Part Two (MARRIAGE), Chip

Miller--a college student on the

verge of committing suicide

because he fears he might be

gay--decides to marry his

girlfriend instead.

In Part Three (AFTERMATH),

newly-out Graham and Chip Miller

embark on a challenging relationship

after their marriages fall apart.

Full script available at the National New Play Network's New Play Exchange (NPX). Click here.

Or see EXCERPT below.

LENGTH: 4 hours 30 minutes (Each part is approximately 90 minutes long.)

CAST: 4M, 3F (playing 29 roles + 4 voices).

SETTING

Sissinghurst Castle, England; New Haven, CT; Manhattan; Bronxville, NY; The White House; Cornell University; Boothbay Harbor, ME; Montclair, NJ; Provincetown, MA.

TIME

1862-2066

MAIN CHARACTERS

Graham Walker. Investment banker from Westport, CT. Articulate and intense. 19-48

Dan Carlsen. Lawyer from Fargo, ND. Athletic and boyish. Ages from 19 to 44.

Kitty Walker. Book editor, then stay-at-home mom. Attractive and shy. 28 to 44.

Debbie Carlsen. Advertising account exec, then stay-at-home mom. 28 to 44.

Chip Miller. Senior executive at a packaged goods company. Ages from 19 to 42.

Sally Miller. Chip's wife. Good at taking charge of things. 19 to 39.

OTHER CHARACTERS

Richard Hamlin. Flamboyant Yale professor. 30, then 36.

Todd Wood. Oversexed businessman from Dallas. 45.

Doctor Manzone. Gay. Overworked. 36.

Seth Regan. Sly and promiscuous PR writer. 30.

Franklin Mancuso. Openly gay. Charming real estate agent. 35, then 36.

Leo Schwartz. Family man with a double life. 40.

17 additional characters

4 voices

EXCERPT:

ROOMMATES

Part One of THE BRONXVILLE TRILOGY or Marriages of Inconvenience

PROLOGUE

PROJECTION: “Sissinghurst Castle, England”

Scene: VITA SACKVILLE-WEST (45) and HAROLD NICOLSON (51) are enjoying their afternoon tea. (English accents)

HAROLD NICOLSON

I don’t understand why we’re here.

VITA SACKVILLE-WEST

It’s because of that book Nigel wrote.

HAROLD

Our little Nigel wrote a book?

VITA

Well, not when he was little. Not until after we both died. It was a book about our marriage.

HAROLD

I’m glad I didn’t live long enough to see that! Imagine all our friends—not to mention the rabble—poring over all the intimate details of our lives. Imagine my own son publishing such a thing! It’s unseemly, if you ask me.

VITA

Well, it gets worse. Apparently, the BBC and PBS made a mini-series of Portrait of a Marriage some years later.

HAROLD

What’s a mini-series?

VITA

And apparently the book made enough of an impression on a certain playwright that he chose to give us these cameo roles in this play.

HAROLD

This play? How can we be in this play?

VITA

We’re not actually in it. We’re just commenting on it. Or introducing it. Or something.

HAROLD

But we don’t belong here at all—whether as commentators or characters or what have you! This is a play about “marriages of inconvenience.” Ours was not a “marriage of inconvenience.” I, for one, found it quite convenient. Quite jolly, really. It was . . . it was . . . well, the most important thing in my life! The very heart and soul of my being! And we went into it with our eyes wide open.

VITA

Well, not at first, perhaps. But, yes, our eyes were certainly opened all the way in good time.

HAROLD

You never questioned my love, did you?

VITA

Of course not! Our love was unalterable. You were my harbor. My best playmate. Nigel made it very clear that our love deepened with every passing year. Let me read you what he wrote.

VITA reads from a book.

VITA (CONT’D)

He said we had—quote—the strangest and most successful union that two gifted people have ever enjoyed—end quote.

HAROLD

“Gifted.” I like that. I was never sure what Nigel really thought of our work. Or what the rest of the world thought, for that matter.

VITA

Don’t be modest. The many books we gave the world are proof enough of all that.

HAROLD

But “strangest”? That’s going a bit far, don’t you think?

VITA

My dear, this may come as a surprise, but most couples do not give each other the freedom to be unfaithful—especially not with people of their own sex.

HAROLD

It wasn’t always people of our own sex! What about your affair with Geoffrey Scott?

VITA

An experiment, nothing more. And one that failed. You certainly never went off with other women during all our years together—so far as I know.

HAROLD

You know everything about me, dear! I would have considered that an act of treason.

VITA

But sleeping with men was not treasonous?

HAROLD

We were both drawn to our own sex. It’s just who we were. But my affairs meant little to me. To be honest, they were mostly just a way to keep myself occupied while you were off falling in love with your women friends.

VITA

You were away from home far more than I ever was!

HAROLD

That was the Foreign Office’s doing, not mine. My point is that I had to do something to fill the time. That’s all my little adventures ever were.

VITA

Then perhaps you should have spent your time doing something more edifying, like—I don’t know—visiting art galleries!

HAROLD

That’s precisely where some of my little adventures began! And that’s all they ever were. Fleeting incidents of no consequence with young men. You see, I was never physical with the men I truly loved and admired. I was never a passionate lover.

VITA

Ah, that’s where we differed, then. All my affairs were passionate—and long-lasting.

(remembering fondly)

Oh, Violet! The delight and pain we caused each other! The drama—and excitement!

(remembering wistfully)

Ah, Rosamunde! You opened me like a flower and introduced me to a world I’d never even suspected

(amused)

Even Mary! What grief we caused your husband, poor thing.

HAROLD

And don’t forget to mention Virginia Woolf!

VITA

Name dropper! But she was different from all the others. Most people think she was the great love of my life. And maybe she was. But our relationship wasn’t physical. Well, barely. Only twice, at any rate. And she was something of a cold fish, truth be told. But I didn’t mind. I loved her deeply. And she returned the favor. What she and I shared was something more intellectual. Or spiritual, if you like. I make no apologies for any of that.

HAROLD

I must confess I never felt threatened by your affair with Virginia.

VITA

You never felt threatened by any of my affairs.

HAROLD

True, but I felt the Woolfs had a marriage that mirrored our own, so there was safety in that. Perhaps Leonard and I should have fallen in love, too. That would have provided more symmetry, don’t you think?

VITA

But he wasn’t homosexual.

HAROLD

Ah, quite true.

(beat)

Poor man.

(beat)

Well, let’s see how inconvenient things were for these people.

END OF PROLOGUE

SCENE 1

PROJECTION: “1971, New Haven, CT”

Scene: GRAHAM WALKER (age 19) and RICHARD HAMLIN (age 30) enter passing a joint back and forth.

RICHARD HAMLIN

How do you like it?

GRAHAM WALKER

Mmm . . . Good . . . I’d say, “Groovy,” but I’m too stoned.

(looking around)

Hey, where’d everyone go?

RICHARD

The party’s over.

GRAHAM

Oh . . . All right, I’ll leave.

GRAHAM starts to exit. RICHARD pulls him back.

RICHARD

Not you, Graham. You can stay, can’t you?

GRAHAM

Uh . . . sure, Professor Hamlin.

RICHARD

And please call me Richard.

GRAHAM

Okay . . . “Richard.”

RICHARD

Hey, wait here a second!

RICHARD exits. GRAHAM looks around, blissfully stoned. RICHARD re-enters with a jar of blue paint and a towel.

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Sit down. We’re going to paint each other’s face.

RICHARD sits on the floor.

GRAHAM

I don’t get it.

RICHARD

C’mon—sit down! You’ll like it.

GRAHAM sits on the floor facing RICHARD. RICHARD puts the jar down. Does NOT put his fingers in the jar. Instead, starts touching GRAHAM’s face, pretending to paint it. Makes gentle circles with his fingers all around GRAHAM’s face.

GRAHAM

Ahh . . . That feels . . . so . . . good . . .

GRAHAM is transported and confused by what’s happening. RICHARD stops suddenly.

RICHARD

Okay, your turn.

GRAHAM

(snapping out of it)

What?

RICHARD

Paint my face.

GRAHAM

Huh?

RICHARD

Like I was just doing to you.

GRAHAM hesitates. Finally does as instructed. (Unlike RICHARD, he does use the paint.) Draws a ring around RICHARD’s face. Pauses. Evaluates. Starts a second circle. Lingers over his work, caressing RICHARD’s face with his fingers. Suddenly lunges at him. Kisses him on the mouth. Hugs him. RICHARD reciprocates, then breaks it off and stands up. He uses the towel to wipe the paint off his face.

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Hey, stand up.

RICHARD helps GRAHAM up.

RICHARD (CONT’D)

Come with me.

RICHARD takes GRAHAM by the hand and leads him out.

END OF SCENE

SCENE 2

PROJECTION: “25 years later—1996, Bronxville, NY”

Scene: The Walker kitchen, Bronxville, NY. GRAHAM (age 44) is sitting at the table reading the New York Times. KITTY WALKER (age 41) enters and sneaks up behind him. Starts to massage his shoulders.

GRAHAM

Mm, that’s nice!

GRAHAM enjoys the massage for a moment, then finally turns and looks up.

GRAHAM (CONT’D)

(surprised)

Oh! Hi, Kitty!

KITTY WALKER

Sorry to disappoint you—it’s just your wife. Were you hoping for Madonna?

GRAHAM

Madonna? No way! I much prefer my wife.

KITTY bends down for a quick kiss.

KITTY

Right answer, darling!

GRAHAM

Especially after that great birthday party last night! You’re too good to me.

KITTY

I know.

GRAHAM

(indicating the newspaper)

Hey, did you read what Dan Quayle said yesterday? Almost makes me ashamed to be a Republican.

KITTY.

Oh, that reminds me—don’t forget about brunch with Dan.

GRAHAM

(joking)

I don’t remember inviting the Vice President!

KITTY

Not that Dan. Dan Carlsen. Your best friend. Debbie’s husband. They’re both on their way over. You might want to go clean up—well, too late now!

DAN CARLSEN (age 44) and DEBBIE CARLSEN (age 41) enter.

DEBBIE CARLSEN

So, how’s the birthday boy?

GRAHAM

Still recovering from last night.

DEBBIE

Well, happy birthday, birthday boy!

GRAHAM

My birthday’s over!

(to Dan)

Dan, please ask your wife to stop reminding me that I’m aging.

DEBBIE

You’re not aging! You’re maturing—like a fine wine or cheese.

GRAHAM

I keep forgetting you used to work in advertising.

DAN CARLSEN

What’s with that new car in your driveway, Graham?

KITTY

Dan, don’t!

GRAHAM

It’s here? Don’t worry, Dan—I knew all about this.

DEBBIE

What’s going on?

KITTY

Just a little birthday present one day late.

DAN

Little? It’s a Mercedes convertible, man! That’s always been your fantasy!

KITTY

And it’s my job to fulfill all his fantasies—well, some at least.

DEBBIE

So, our little college radical has finally sold out.

(singing)

Oh, Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz!

GRAHAM

I was never a radical, Debbie!

DEBBIE

That’s not what Dan says.

GRAHAM

Dan was a jock. He thought anyone who asked for seconds at dinner was a radical.

DEBBIE

How can you afford to buy him a Mercedes? You don’t have that kind of money.

KITTY

He paid for it!

DEBBIE

You paid for your own birthday present?

GRAHAM

Kitty doesn’t have that kind of money. You want a ride?

DAN

Absolutely!

DEBBIE

I’ll come, too!

KITTY

OK, fine—the Eggs Benedict can wait. Can I drop Bobby off with your sitter?

DEBBIE

Sure.

DEBBIE and KITTY exit. DAN makes sure they’re gone before speaking.

DAN

That was some party last night, Graham! Do you realize that makes twenty-five birthdays in a row we’ve celebrated together?

GRAHAM

I think we missed a couple during grad school.

DAN

That’s still a lot of birthdays. And to think—none of this ever would have happened if it hadn’t been for Richard Hamlin.

GRAHAM

What are you talking about? We met freshman year! Prof. Hamlin didn’t come along until sophomore year.

DAN

You know what I mean.

GRAHAM

(contemplating)

Oh. I guess you’re right.

GRAHAM goes back to reading the paper.

END OF SCENE

END OF EXCERPT

EXCERPT:

MARRIAGE

Part Two of THE BRONXVILLE TRILOGY or Marriages of Inconvenience

SCENE 2

PROJECTION: “Nine years later—1986. Manhattan”

Scene: An apartment on Park Avenue. SALLY (28) is balancing her checkbook. CHIP (28) enters in running clothes.

SALLY

Chip, you said you were just going for a quick run!

CHIP

(distracted)

Oh, hey, Sally.

SALLY

I had something to tell you! You’ve been gone for three hours! Where were you?

CHIP

(annoyed)

Where do you think? Central Park.

SALLY

Did you have to spend the whole afternoon?

CHIP

Yeah, well . . . Sorry . . . I guess I’m really getting into this running thing.

SALLY

Great—you’re out having fun while I’m stuck in the apartment doing chores! Weekends are the only time we get to spend together!

CHIP

I’m trying to get in shape. I’m thinking of training for the New York City Marathon this fall.

SALLY

Oh, Chip—then I’d never see you!

CHIP

Hey, you’ve got me now! What do you want to do tonight? You want to go out? We’ll do whatever you want. Oh, wait—you said you wanted to tell me something.

SALLY

Never mind. I just want a cozy evening at home with my husband. I’ll make a nice dinner. How’s that?

SALLY goes to kiss CHIP.

SALLY (CONT’D)

Wait a second—you’re not very sweaty for someone who spent the whole day running.

CHIP

Well, I didn’t actually run that much.

SALLY

Chip! You said you were going running! That was the whole point! Otherwise, we could have gone to the MET—you know I’m dying to see that new Delacroix exhibit.

CHIP

I wanted to run. I started to run, but then I didn’t really have the energy.

SALLY

See—you’ve been pushing yourself too hard. You can’t go on like that. My trainer says you’ve got to take a day off every once in a while.

CHIP

(snapping)

Why do you always pick at me?

SALLY

(hurt)

Chip! I don’t pick at you.

CHIP

Sorry.

SALLY

What’s going on? What’s wrong?

CHIP

Nothing’s wrong.

SALLY

You must be coming down with something. This isn’t like you.

CHIP

Ha! How do you know what I’m like? You don’t even know me!

SALLY

We’ve been married for four years. Don’t flatter yourself—you’re not that complicated.

CHIP

What’s that? Another crack?

SALLY

Believe me, I know you, and this is not—

(beat)

Well, okay, you do have your moods. We’ve established that.

CHIP

What do you mean “my moods”?

SALLY

I just mean I know how you can get, and I’ve learned how to handle you. You have no idea how hard I have to work to—well, never mind.

CHIP

I can’t do this anymore.

SALLY

Fine. I’ll go start dinner.

CHIP

No, I mean—this. I can’t do this anymore.

(nervously)

We need to talk.

SALLY

(refusing to realize what he means)

No, Chip. You said we could do whatever I wanted tonight—and I don’t want to “talk.”

CHIP

(defeated)

Fine. Whatever you want.

SALLY

(softening)

Thank you, darling. Now, what did you want to talk about?

CHIP

You just said—

SALLY

Tell Mommy.

CHIP

Forget it. What did you want to tell me?

SALLY

No, no—I want to hear what you have to say.

CHIP

Maybe some other time. This is your night.

SALLY

But I want to know what’s bothering you.

CHIP

Just drop it. It’s . . . Well, it’s very awkward.

SALLY

C’mon—you know I’ll get it out of you eventually.

CHIP

Well, okay, you asked for it.

SALLY

Don’t be so dramatic!

CHIP is silent.

SALLY (CONT’D)

So, c’mon already! You know you can tell me anything.

CHIP

Well, okay . . . You see . . . I . . . uh . . . God, this is harder than I thought it would be.

SALLY

(an order)

Just say it!

CHIP

I’ve met someone.

SALLY is silent as she takes this in. CHIP squirms. Finally—

SALLY

(trying very hard to control her feelings)

So, you mean you never went running at all today?

CHIP

I meant to, but then I met them in the park.

SALLY

You met more than one person?

CHIP

Just one person.

SALLY

What are you saying?

CHIP

We’ve met before. We’ve spent time together. We’ve . . . Well, I’ve decided I want to be with them.

SALLY

“Them”?

CHIP

Don’t pick at me! Yes, I want to be with this person!

SALLY

(finally breaking down)

No, Chip!

(crying)

Please don’t do this! Not now!

CHIP

I’m so sorry. This wasn’t something I planned.

SALLY

(still crying)

I always worried this might happen. But you’re such a good guy; I never thought you’d actually do this.

CHIP

I’m so sorry.

SALLY

I’m not attractive enough for you—is that it?

CHIP

You’re very attractive.

SALLY

Is she pretty?

CHIP

Sally!

SALLY

I want to know if she’s pretty!

CHIP

I don’t know how to answer that. I just wanted to let you know because I couldn’t keep this bottled up inside me any longer.

SALLY

Are you asking my permission to have an affair?

CHIP

I just don’t think I want to be married anymore.

SALLY

This is what we’ve always wanted!

CHIP

It’s what you’ve always wanted!

SALLY

(sadly)

God, your timing couldn’t be worse. I saw Doctor Max today. I’ve been waiting all afternoon to tell you the news. We’re going to have a baby. I’m six weeks pregnant.

CHIP

(flatly)

Oh.

SALLY

Is that all you can say?

CHIP

(stunned)

You’re going to have a baby?

SALLY

We’re going to have a baby. Isn’t that wonderful?

CHIP

I . . . I don’t know.

SALLY

How can you not know?

CHIP

Are you sure you want it? You could always--

SALLY

(cutting him off)

Chip! Don ‘t even think that! I would never do something like that! Are you telling me you don’t want it?

CHIP

I don’t know what I want.

SALLY

You wanted one before you met what’s-her-name—

(pointedly)

or is it what’s-his-name?

SALLY and CHIP stare at each other. Finally—

CHIP

(sternly)

Don’t go there!

SALLY

Just be honest with me.

CHIP turns away.

SALLY (CONT’D)

(sweetly)

Didn’t you tell me you always wanted to be a father? Or was that a lie?

CHIP

(defeated)

No, it wasn’t.

(warming up to the idea)

It’s true. I always assumed . . . I always pictured myself . . .

(suddenly depressed)

But your timing—

SALLY

We’re lucky it’s happening at all.

CHIP

I just don’t know . . . A baby?

SALLY

(encouraging him)

Yes!

CHIP

(warming up to it)

A little human being—all folded up inside you right this very minute.

SALLY

Well, not exactly—but yes!

CHIP

Oh, Sally, I just don’t know if I can do this. Not now.

SALLY

You owe me this! I saved your life!

CHIP

Well, maybe you shouldn’t have.

SALLY

Don’t say that! When I met you at Cornell, you were a mess.

CHIP

Oh, so I was your little charity project?

SALLY

No, no. You weren’t a mess. You were a beautiful man. But you were confused. I was there!

CHIP

I was president of Alpha Delt, for god’s sake!

SALLY

And look how that turned out—you tried to throw yourself into the gorge!

CHIP

Kick a man while he’s down, why don’t you?

SALLY

(sincerely)

Chip, after all you’ve been through, you deserve a wonderful life. Let me give you that life.

CHIP

(defeated)

Does this mean we’re moving out of the city?

SALLY

Absolutely! There are too many temptations here.

CHIP

Believe me, there are temptations everywhere.

SALLY

But I can control them in some places better than others. I’ve decided on Bronxville.

CHIP

I’m not moving to the Bronx!

SALLY

It’s not the Bronx! It’s in Westchester—like Scarsdale and Larchmont and all the other places I’ve always wanted to live.

CHIP

(objecting)

And I don’t want to give up Central Park!

SALLY

Well, I do! Don’t worry—there are lots of places where you can run. You’ll see—it’s beautiful up there. Our baby will have space to play. We’ll have a garden. You can have an office. Two offices, if you want. A wine cellar. Anything you want. You’ll love it!

CHIP

I don’t know.

SALLY

Just think about it, okay? That’s all I’m asking.

CHIP

That’s all, huh?

CHIP starts to laugh coldly.

SALLY

What’s so funny?

CHIP

You’ve finally got me where you’ve always wanted me.

SALLY

What are you talking about?

CHIP

Up at Cornell, you thought you could save me. Turn me into something nature never intended me to be. Same thing down here in the city. Get me a good job. Get me all settled into our comfy life on Park Avenue. Then just to make sure I’d never escape your clutches, get yourself pregnant, because you know I’m not the kind of man who’d ever leave a pregnant wife.

CHIP starts to applaud.

CHIP (CONT’D)

Well done, Sally.

SALLY and CHIP stare at each other again. Finally—

SALLY

(all business)

So, are we going to make this work, Chip?

CHIP

(defeated)

Yes, Sally.

SALLY

(sweetly)

Kiss mommy.

SALLY and CHIP kiss. Lights down.

END OF SCENE

END OF EXCERPT

EXCERPT:

AFTERMATH

Part Three of THE BRONXVILLE TRILOGY or Marriages of Inconvenience

SCENE 3

PROJECTION: “2 Years Later”

Scene: 1998. A gay bar in Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood. GRAHAM (46) sits on a stool and studies the crowd. JAMES (22) approaches him.

JAMES

Hey—what’s up with you?

GRAHAM

(distracted)

Sorry—what?

(realizing that James is attractive—flirtatiously)

JAMES

Hey, I’m James.

GRAHAM

Hi, James. Graham.

JAMES

I was watching you from the other side of the room. I think you’re so hot. You’re like my ideal fantasy.

GRAHAM puts his arms around JAMES.

GRAHAM

You have no idea how much I need to hear someone say that. Especially after what I’ve been through! Well, you don’t need to hear about all that.

JAMES

You need to relax and have some fun.

GRAHAM

Amen to that.

JAMES

Why don’t you come back to my place? We could have some fun right now.

GRAHAM

Where do you live?

JAMES

Right around the corner. Can you handle a six-floor walkup, old man?

GRAHAM

I’ll rise to the occasion.

CHIP MILLER (40) enters. Spots GRAHAM.

CHIP

Graham? Graham Walker! What are you doing here?

GRAHAM

Chip Miller!

CHIP

(noticing James)

Oh, sorry—am I interrupting something?

GRAHAM

Oh . . .uh . . . This is James.

CHIP

Hi, I’m Chip.

CHIP reaches out to shake hands.

JAMES

We already know each other.

JAMES ignores CHIP’s hand. Hugs and kisses him instead.

CHIP

We do?

JAMES

From the baths.

(mock apologetically)

Ooh—am I telling secrets?

CHIP

(feigning nonchalance)

Don’t worry about it.

JAMES notices someone offstage. Waves.

JAMES

Hey, I’ll be right back.

JAMES rushes out. CHIP watches him exit.

CHIP

(turning back to Graham)

Uh, he’s just someone I—

GRAHAM

(echoing Chip)

“Don’t worry about it.”

CHIP

Did you see his friend? God! No wonder he dropped us!

GRAHAM

Hey, uh, listen—I’m sorry about what happened to you. I haven’t seen you since all that.

CHIP

(lying)

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

GRAHAM

I saw those stories. Like the front page of The New York Post: “BRONXVILLE DAD ATTACKED AT GAY ORGY!” Aclassic Post headline—the assholes!

CHIP

Yeah, I knew that’s what you meant. I just try to pretend it never happened sometimes.

GRAHAM

It must be difficult.

CHIP

So, you know the whole story.

GRAHAM

Just from the papers. Someone stabbed you, right? What’s a gay orgy anyway?

CHIP

No—it was a sex club. I woke up at St. Vincent’s Hospital. That’s all I know. Sally wasn’t thrilled. Long story. Couples therapy. Divorce. And here I am.

GRAHAM

(cutting him off)

Yes! I do. Does that answer your question?

CHIP

I had no idea.

GRAHAM

I practically leapt at you a couple of times at Elm Rock.

CHIP

Well, I remember you acting kind of strange, but I don’t remember you making a pass or anything. I guess I was distracted by my own issues.

GRAHAM

(defeated)

I’ve gotta work on my approach.

CHIP

It seems to be working fine.

GRAHAM

You mean James? I sat here a whole hour being ignored by everyone else before he came along. And now he’s gone anyway.

(beat)

What about all those times I saw you in the steam room at the gym? The gay vibes in there were off the charts!

CHIP

I was very guarded whenever you came in. I wasn’t about to let a neighbor suspect anything about me.

GRAHAM

Well, it certainly worked. I had a real thing for you for a while, but I always behaved myself—unless I’d been drinking.

CHIP

Does this mean you’re out of the closet now? Or are you waiting for the Post to out you, too?

GRAHAM

I’m holding out for The Today Show.

(suddenly serious)

Okay, so I guess I am.

(announcing to the room)

Hear that, guys? I’m out—so come and get it!

(to Chip)

See? There is no God. So, what’s happening with you now?

CHIP

Now? I’m just trying to hold things together. Divorce. Job. And joint custody of 4 kids! Sounded good when I fought for it, but now I’ve got no time for anything

GRAHAM

You had time to come here. And it sounds like you have time to go to—well, other places.

CHIP

Well, yeah. I’ve got a few holes in my schedule.

(looking around)

Can you blame me? There’s no shortage of hot guys down here in Chelsea!

GRAHAM

You’re right about that!

CHIP

And in about thirty minutes, this place is going to be packed with the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen!

GRAHAM

But Chip—

CHIP

There’s no “but”!

GRAHAM

What I mean is—don’t you find this all wears thin eventually?

CHIP

I’m happy to say I’ve never reached that point.

GRAHAM

But haven’t you ever wanted something more substantial—like maybe what I had with Dan?

CHIP

Dan who?

GRAHAM

Dan Carlsen. My next-door neighbor in Bronxville.

CHIP

(suddenly realizing)

Wait a minute! Dan Carlsen? The plane crash! TWA flight 800, right? It’s back in the news again—they still don’t know how it happened.

GRAHAM

Right.

CHIP

You’re telling me you two were involved?

GRAHAM

More than involved.

CHIP

I had no idea. He seemed obsessed about you or jealous or something. I assumed you were straight—

GRAHAM

Ha! We were both fools! Think of the missed opportunities!

CHIP

Well, anyway—I figured it was a one-way thing with you and Dan.

GRAHAM

No, it was very much a two-way thing.

CHIP

Did other people know?

GRAHAM

Somehow, we managed to keep it private. Ever since sophomore year at Yale. It was all I ever wanted, all I needed. But he insisted we marry women, start families, and try to blend into the world. So, we made it work. We had the best of both worlds—

(sadly)

—until I killed him.

CHIP

What do you mean? He died in that crash.

GRAHAM

He wanted to go to Paris with me to rekindle the relationship or something, and I refused—because—well, it doesn’t matter. We had a fight, and he went off without me.

(beat)

So, yes, I killed him.

CHIP

You didn’t kill him—but I understand how you feel. I’m so sorry.

GRAHAM

(indicating the other people in the bar)

So, don’t blame me if I don’t think this is such a great substitute.

CHIP

Then why are you here?

GRAHAM

(snapping out of it—joking)

I don’t know. Looking for Mister Right, maybe.

(half-joking)

What are you doing for the next twenty years?

CHIP

Are you trying to ask me out?

GRAHAM

Maybe.

CHIP

I don’t date.

GRAHAM

Maybe not.

CHIP

I mean I’m not looking for a relationship. I just like to have sex with other guys.

GRAHAM

So, why did you bother getting married?

CHIP

Because that’s what men do. Well, at least where I come from. And, unlike you, I wanted a family.

GRAHAM

I don’t mean I didn’t want a family. My boys are the most precious thing in my life—especially now. I just mean—

(defeated)

I don’t know what I mean.

CHIP

I know. Our situation is complicated. To me, this gay thing was always just—I don’t know—

GRAHAM

An inconvenience?

CHIP

Exactly!

(getting revved up)

You know what really gets me? The Gay Pride Parade has been going on for years now. But back when it started, where was our parade—the Closeted Gay Pride Parade?

GRAHAM

You’re serious?

CHIP

Absolutely! Where were all the people cheering us on from the sidewalks, happy that you and I and everyone like us chose to live within the mainstream and settle for some discreet philandering on the side?

GRAHAM

I wasn’t philandering! Dan and I had a loving relationship. A real marriage in every sense that mattered.

CHIP

Yeah, but you know what I mean. You and I were just variations on the same theme.

GRAHAM

Really? So, tell me—which is worse? Having a relationship behind your wife’s back with your best friend—someone you genuinely love? Or running around with every piece of trash that comes along?

CHIP

Hey, watch it buddy!

GRAHAM

(softening)

Sorry, Chip. I’m in no position to judge. We traveled different paths, that’s all.

CHIP

(smugly)

And yet we both wound up at the same bar.

GRAHAM

(defeated)

Yes. Yes, we did.

JAMES returns.

JAMES

Sorry about that. Where were we?

GRAHAM

I was about to leave.

JAMES

I thought you were coming home with me.

GRAHAM

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

JAMES

(cocky)

Trust me, it’s still a good idea.

GRAHAM

You may be right, but I better take a rain check. If I leave right now, I can still catch the 8:40 train back to Bronxville.

CHIP

God, you’re still in Bronxville?

GRAHAM

I like to be near my boys.

CHIP

Yeah, that’s why I’m out in Jersey. We’re all out there. It was too awkward for any of us to stay in Bronxville.

GRAHAM

I considered fleeing, too, but then I thought—No! I’m not hanging my head in shame! This is what I am. I didn’t make the world. And I’m not giving up my boys. Or pulling them away from their school and friends. Or setting a bad example for them. I haven’t come out to them yet—Kitty asked me to hold off for now—but I can’t wait to do it!

CHIP

I haven’t told my kids yet either—Sally would go ballistic. But coming out in Bronxville? That takes balls!

GRAHAM

Fuck them all in Bronxville if they don’t like it! And that includes all the closeted husbands—of which I know there are many!

CHIP

Wow—sounds like there’s a soap opera brewing in Westchester County!

GRAHAM

You have no idea! Or—maybe you do. But, in any case, I better go. Good to see you!

CHIP

Hey, wanna get together for a drink sometime?

GRAHAM

Isn’t that what we just did?

CHIP

Yeah, but I have a feeling we have a lot more to talk about. And I’d enjoy the company.

GRAHAM

Sure—I’ll give you a call sometime.

(to James)

Hey, all right with you if I give my rain check to Chip?

JAMES

I’d like that!

GRAHAM exits.

CHIP

So, what does that make me? Sloppy seconds?

JAMES

There’s nothing second about you. And as I seem to remember, we’ve had lots of fun being sloppy together.

JAMES and CHIP start to make out.

END OF SCENE

END OF EXCERPT