Full-Length Play
What do we pass on to our nearest and dearest?
The oldest of three sons, Michael Hudson is a remarkable man. Even his detractors acknowledge the extent of his influence. For some his legacy is physical--the family business they would like to get their hands on. For others, it's psychological--the obsessions and urges that lead to a range of problematic behavior, from sexual compulsion to infidelity. In eight scenes--from Buenos Aires to Chicago, Santa Monica to London and beyond--we see his influence at work. When Michael dies prematurely, family secrets are revealed, and the heir to the company is announced.
Full script available at the National New Play Network's New Play Exchange (NPX). Click here.
Or see EXCERPT below.
LENGTH: 1 hour 45 minutes
CAST: 5 actors (2M, 3F) playing 23 roles. The cast size may be increased by eliminating some or all of the double casting.
SETTING
Restaurants, bars, and other public places in Chicago, Buenos Aires, Santa Monica, Mexico City, Lake Forest, London, Tribeca, and Evanston .
TIME
2015
CHARACTERS
Chicago:
Michael. Male. 60s. The oldest Hudson brother. Charming. A "ladies' man." Fit. Vigorous.
Patty. Female. 40s. Sexy. Flirtatious. Mercurial.
Quinn. Male. 30s. Pushy. Creepy.
Buenos Aires:
Sofia. Female. Formal. Stern. Judgmental. Wears glasses and an old-fashioned beauty-shop hairdo.
Laura. Female. The girlfriend of Michael's nephew, Sebastian. Disinterested.
Santa Monica:
Surfer. Any gender. Rugged.
Kyle. Male. 30s. Trying to be a player, but nervous and awkward. Wears a sport coat and open-collared shirt.
Julia. Female. 30s. Michael's niece. Cunning. Alternately flirtatious and critical. Dressed stylishly.
Mexico City:
Phil. Male. 50s. The middle Hudson brother. A harried lawyer. Married to Cissy.
Cissy. Female. 50s. A sweet but bossy woman. Married to Phil.
Megan. Female. 30s. Attractive and good with people.
Waiter/Waitress. Any gender. Solicitous.
Lake Forest:
Lori. Female. 50s. Well put together, but gossipy and insincere.
Kate. Female. 40s. Michael's mistress. Sincere, but secretive.
Waiter/Waitress. Any gender. Easily intimidated.
London:
Brian. Male. 50s. The youngest Hudson brother. A late-blooming romantic.
Christopher. Male. 30s. American expatriate. Well dressed and professional, but suspicious and hard.
Tribeca:
Liam. Male. 30s. Intense. Weird.
Gretchen. Female. 30s. Former girlfriend of Michael's son, Todd. Attractive. Serious.
Evanston:
Janet. Female. 30s. Michael's daughter. A competent professional woman, but currently stressed out.
Becca. Female. 20. The daughter of Michael's mistress. Pleasant. Polite. Eager to please.
Hilary. Female. 60s. Michael's widow. Wheelchair-bound. Hardened by life, but wise and gracious.
Todd. Male. 30s. Michael's son. Attentive to his mother, but snobbish and selfish.
Michael. Male. 60s. The same Michael as in scene one (Chicago), but now deceased. His ghost is wise, warm, and charismatic.
PRODUCTION HISTORY:
2018: READING, University Faculty Drama Club, Bloomington, IN.
2015: READING, Unitarian Universalist Congregation at Shelter Rock, Manhasset, NY.
PRODUCTIONS, READINGS, ETC.: The following excerpts have been produced, published, and/or broadcast:
"Table Manners in Chicagoland" (Scenes 1, 5, and 8): a production and a reading.
"Table Manners in Buenos Aires" (Scene 2): 2 productions.
"Table Manners in Santa Monica" (Scene 3): 3 productions, 2 radio broadcasts, and a publication.
"Table Manners in Mexico City" (Scene 4): a production and a radio broadcast.
"Table Manners in Lake Forest" (Scene 5): a reading.
"Table Manners in London" (Scene 7) : a publication.
"Table Manners in Tribeca" (Scene 7): 2 productions.
"A Remarkable Man" (Scene 8): a production.
HONORS
2020 INKSLINGER SEMI-FINALIST
Playwriting Competition, Southeastern Louisiana University.
2015 NEW AMERICAN VOICES SEMI-FINALIST
(as A Field Guide to Table Manners)
The Landing Theatre Company's reading series, Houston, TX
2013 REVA SHINER COMEDY AWARD FINALIST
(as A Field Guide to Table Manners)
Bloomington Playwrights Project, Bloomington, IN
2012 W. KEITH HEDRICK PLAYWRITING CONTEST FINALIST
(as A Field Guide to Table Manners)
HRC Showcase Theatre, Hudson, NY
2011 NEW WORKS PROJECT RUNNER-UP
(as Table Manners)
T. Schreiber Studio, New York City
EXCERPT:
ACT ONE
SCENE 1: Chicago
Music plays—preferably “Chicago” (“That Toddlin’ Town”) or “My Kind of Town” (“Chicago Is…”) Lights up. The entire cast is on stage drinking and chatting at a singles bar. PATTY drinks a Singapore Sling in a tall glass with an umbrella. MICHAEL drinks Jack Daniels on the rocks. MICHAEL and PATTY break away from the crowd. Sit at a table downstage. The rest of the cast exits. Music fades.
MICHAEL
(laughing)
I didn’t think anyone drank Singapore Slings anymore.
PATTY
It always makes me feel like I’m on vacation.
MICHAEL
And where are you on vacation?
PATTY
Oh, I’m not—I’ve got work tomorrow.
MICHAEL
I mean in your fantasy.
PATTY
Oh, I don’t know . . . Hawaii maybe.
MICHAEL
Which island?
PATTY
No, wait—Greece!
MICHAEL
I don’t think that’s in Hawaii.
PATTY
(laughing)
No, I changed my mind. I’m on Santorini—drinking ouzo and watching the ships come in.
MICHAEL
So how does a Singapore Sling make you think of Greece?
PATTY
Oh—maybe it doesn’t.
MICHAEL
You’re funny.
PATTY
Really? My friends don’t think I have a sense of humor.
MICHAEL
I mean you have a very “cute” personality. Can I use that word?
PATTY
(goofy)
I think you’re cute, too.
MICHAEL
Thank you.
PATTY
I mean for your age.
MICHAEL
Ouch!
PATTY
Oh, I don’t mean you’re an old geezer or anything. You seem pretty vigorous.
MICHAEL
I’m just going to say it—I like you, Patty.
PATTY
Well, I figured you did when you bought me this drink. I like you, too, Michael.
MICHAEL raises his glass.
MICHAEL
Cheers!
PATTY raises her glass.
PATTY
Cheers! Hey, what do you do for a living? Or wait—let me guess.
MICHAEL
I hate that game. Ever hear of Hudson Vacuum Cleaners?
PATTY
Sure—my mother had a Hudson.
MICHAEL
But you don’t?
PATTY
I don’t vacuum.
MICHAEL
That’s why our business is suffering.
PATTY
Your business?
MICHAEL
My grandfather started the company. My father left it to me, so now I run it.
PATTY
Whoa—I’m having drinks with the Hudson Vacuum Cleaner Company!
MICHAEL
The Hudson Certified Vacuum Cleaner and Floor Care Company, to be precise.
PATTY
Certified, huh?
MICHAEL
I’m sorry it’s not something sexier.
PATTY
Oh, I think vacuum cleaners are very sexy. All that sucking!
MICHAEL
You can be naughty, can’t you? And what do you do?
PATTY
I’m a stripper.
(laughing)
Kidding!
MICHAEL
See—your friends don’t know you.
PATTY
(suddenly serious)
Before this goes any further—I’m a paralegal at a law firm.
MICHAEL
Interesting.
PATTY
No, it’s not.
MICHAEL
Here in Chicago? Which firm?
PATTY
Can we change the topic? Tell me what you’d like to do after we finish our drinks.
MICHAEL
Thank you for asking. I’d like to go home with you.
PATTY
I like a man that puts it right out there!
MICHAEL
All right, then, I’m putting it right out there.
(suddenly self-conscious)
Or . . . or were you just making conversation?
PATTY
You are cute. You’re the cutest vacuum cleaner president I’ve ever met.
MICHAEL
And you’re the most adorable paralegal I’ve ever met.
PATTY
Let me ask you something, Mr. Hudson Vacuum Cleaner. Are you married?
MICHAEL
Guilty as charged.
PATTY
I figured you hadda be—you’re a type.
MICHAEL
(insulted)
A what?
PATTY
A little old fashioned. You like to run things—you run your company, right? So, you want a wife to run the household.
MICHAEL
My wife had a successful career as a model for a while.
PATTY
And I bet you didn’t like that.
MICHAEL
I didn’t mind. But once we had kids--
PATTY
Right—once there was a household to run, you wanted her home running it.
MICHAEL
I suppose.
PATTY
You’re a dying breed—a very attractive but dying breed.
MICHAEL
I think it’s my turn to ask us to change topics.
PATTY
I’m sorry. When you said you wanted to come over to my place . . .
MICHAEL
Well, going to my place isn’t really an option.
PATTY
Right, right—that’s how I knew. So, now you choose a topic.
MICHAEL
I don’t know—is it old fashioned to have a family?
PATTY
Depends on the family.
MICHAEL
In my case, there’s a whole Hudson clan! I’m so proud of all of them—they’re my backbone.
PATTY
(toasting—mocking slightly)
Here’s to backbone!
QUINN enters. Looks around. Watches PATTY and MICHAEL.
MICHAEL
My brothers and I are as close as brothers can possibly be. Phil. Brian. We hardly ever see each other, but I love them to death. And their kids. And, well, the others in our lives, too. The whole lot of them. Sure, sometimes we have our problems. More than our share, actually. But I just want everyone to get along. Is that too much to ask?
Michael drains his drink.
MICHAEL (CONT’D)
I’ll get off my soapbox now. I think I need a refill. You?
PATTY
(thinking she probably shouldn’t)
Why not?
PATTY hands her glass to MICHAEL. MICHAEL exits with both glasses. QUINN enters and approaches PATTY.
QUINN
May I join you?
PATTY
Sorry, I’m with someone.
QUINN sits.
QUINN
That old guy?
PATTY
(outraged)
Do you mind?
QUINN
Who is he—your father or something?
PATTY
None of your business!
QUINN
You looked like you wanted to be rescued.
QUINN holds out his hand.
QUINN (CONT’D)
Quinn.
PATTY ignores QUINN’S hand.
PATTY
My friend’s coming back any minute, so please go.
QUINN
That’s cool.
QUINN stands. Hands PATTY his card.
QUINN (CONT’D)
Call me or text me after you ditch grandpa.
PATTY
(studying his card)
A lawyer, huh? Are you married?
QUINN
(showing his ring-free hands)
Nope—completely free.
PATTY
Sorry, Quinn—not interested.
QUINN exits. MICHAEL returns with their drinks. Sits.
MICHAEL
Was that guy bothering you?
PATTY
I can handle myself.
MICHAEL
Let me explain something. My wife’s a wonderful woman. Not just beautiful. Warm and sharp as a tack. We’ve been married for thirty-five years.
PATTY
I’d like to meet her some time.
MICHAEL
Well, I . . . uh . . .
PATTY
Kidding!
MICHAEL
Oh. You’d probably like her, though. Everyone does.
PATTY
I’ve known lots of guys like you. I don’t care how perfect the marriage—eventually men get bored and need other women.
MICHAEL
You don’t understand.
PATTY
No, I do understand—that’s what I’m trying to tell you.
MICHAEL
Look, I don’t cheat on my wife because—I mean I don’t go out with other women because I’m bored with my wife.
PATTY
Then why? Not that it matters.
MICHAEL
Because we don’t have sex anymore.
PATTY
Well, women can get bored, too.
MICHAEL
No, no. I better explain.
PATTY
Men and their explanations.
MICHAEL
My wife can’t have sex.
PATTY
Wives and their excuses!
MICHAEL
She’s confined to a wheelchair.
PATTY
(sincerely)
Oh, I’m sorry.
MICHAEL
Has been for years.
PATTY
What’s wrong with her?
MICHAEL
She has MS. Multiple Sclerosis.
PATTY
Poor thing.
MICHAEL
It’s been hard.
PATTY
For her especially.
MICHAEL
Right, but for me, too. So, what can I do?
(a confession)
I need female companionship.
PATTY
You mean sex.
MICHAEL
(more confession)
Right.
PATTY
(with disapproval)
And she’s home right now?
MICHAEL
Right.
PATTY
And you’re here?
MICHAEL
Last time I checked.
PATTY
(with increasing disapproval)
Is anyone with her?
MICHAEL
She doesn’t need full-time care.
PATTY
(suddenly formal)
Well, thank you for the Singapore Slings, Mr. Hudson. It was very nice meeting you.
PATTY stands up.
MICHAEL
(annoyed)
Wait a second—you can’t leave!
PATTY
Isn’t this still America?
MICHAEL
But we were having such a good time. I thought you liked me.
PATTY
I thought so, too.
MICHAEL
(earnestly)
Look, please sit down a moment. You can still leave, but just let me clear the air.
PATTY sits back down.
MICHAEL
Look—my wife and I had a pretty normal life for a while. But it’s a progressive disease. Eventually it takes its toll. And the sex . . . well, it’s not really much of an option anymore.
PATTY
Does she know where you are tonight?
MICHAEL
I don’t know.
PATTY
Oh, c’mon! You’d just walk out on a woman in a wheelchair without saying anything?
MICHAEL
It’s kind of a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation.
PATTY
(dryly)
How nice for you.
MICHAEL
Look, we love each other very much. She just wants me to be happy.
PATTY
(sarcastically)
I bet.
MICHAEL
Seriously. When things began to go downhill, she made it very clear she knew I had to do what I had to do—and she’s fine with it.
PATTY
What? Are you carrying a letter of reference from her?
MICHAEL
She just doesn’t want to know—doesn’t want it rubbed in her face.
PATTY
But it can’t be much fun having your wife’s permission. Sneaking around’s the part guys love the most. Knowing that if they ever got caught, they’d be in really big trouble—maybe even lose the kids.
MICHAEL
I’m not saying I want her to find out.
PATTY
(revving up)
Yeah, yeah, but picture this—the police car drives up to—where’d you say you live?
MICHAEL
I didn’t.
(finally)
I live in Kenilworth.
PATTY
Oh, very classy! So, they drive up to your house in Kenilworth, and the officer says, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we nabbed your husband during a raid on a whorehouse.” Now, this would wreck most marriages, but your wife just thanks the officer, and says she hopes you had a good time, dear!
MICHAEL
(annoyed)
What makes you so high and mighty? Do you crucify all the married men you sleep with?
PATTY
My married men don’t have wives in wheelchairs.
MICHAEL
(pleading his case)
But what would you do in my place? No, really—tell me! Your husband’s in a wheelchair. You have needs. What would you do?
PATTY
I don’t know. Maybe I’d take a lover. Someone steady. Someone who understood.
MICHAEL
Exactly. That’s why I have a lover.
PATTY
You mean you’re cheating on the woman you cheat on your wife with?!
MICHAEL
You’re making this sound much more sordid than it is. She’s a widow. We’ve been together for several years now. We’ve got a great relationship. I even help her out with her kids—you know, financially and otherwise.
PATTY
(starting to be impressed)
Whoa—you’re a lot more complicated than I thought.
MICHAEL
Is that a compliment?
PATTY
Tell me about her.
MICHAEL
I just did. Her husband died several years ago. She was looking for company.
PATTY
You mean sex.
MICHAEL
Sure, but it turned into something much more than that.
PATTY
So, why are you catting around?
MICHAEL
I don’t know—she’s out of town. It seemed like a good opportunity.
PATTY
You really are something!
MICHAEL
I guess I should’ve stopped way back before I mentioned my wife.
PATTY
I’m in no position to judge.
MICHAEL
Oh, are you married, too?
PATTY
No! Well, once. The guy cheated on me from day one. Wasn’t even subtle about it.
MICHAEL
How horrible!
PATTY looks right at him.
PATTY
Really?
MICHAEL looks down or away.
PATTY
So, I started sleeping around, too. Am I shocking you? Anyway, that’s my story.
MICHAEL
What happened to your husband?
PATTY
I divorced him and decided I was through with marriage.
MICHAEL
(in an avuncular way)
Oh, don’t say that. Just because you had an unfortunate marriage doesn’t mean your next one would have to be like that.
PATTY
Trust me, it would.
MICHAEL
Don’t you want kids?
PATTY
No.
MICHEL
Oh, I love kids! Not just my own. I told you my brothers have kids—well, one each. Julia lives out in LA—that’s Phil’s daughter. What a woman! I love her like my own daughter. And then there’s Sebastian—that’s Brian’s son. Poor Brian—he’s never been the same since his divorce, so I’ve taken Sebastian under my wing. He runs our Denver office, but if things work out, I’m thinking of leaving the whole company to him. Or I don’t know—maybe to Julia. I bet she’d be a real dynamo. And I told you about Kate’s kids.
PATTY
Who’s Kate?
MICHAEL
The widow.
PATTY
Oh, right—you’re taking care of her children, too. Well, I’m very happy you’ve got your own Brady Bunch, but I don’t need kids—mine or anyone else’s.
MICHAEL
How about companionship?
PATTY
I’ve got plenty, so save your breath. I’m like you—I like sex, and I don’t care who I hurt along the way. I almost prefer it that way.
MICHAEL
I don’t understand.
PATTY
I mean I only date married men. Things are much less complicated that way—and they make the best lovers, anyway.
MICHAEL
But what about their wives?
PATTY
I was one of those wives! Let them deal with it, too.
MICHAEL
That sounds pretty cold and heartless.
PATTY
I make an exception for wives in wheelchairs.
MICHAEL
Hey, I’m not . . .
PATTY
(dryly)
I know—you’re a paragon of virtue.
(checking her watch)
Look, it’s getting late. You wanna come home with me or what?
MICHAEL
Gosh, do you mind if we make it some other time?
PATTY
Whatever.
MICHAEL exits. PATTY studies QUINN’s card.
END OF SCENE.
END OF EXCERPT.